


Ashes

by becca_dunbar_raeken



Category: All American (TV)
Genre: American Football, Depression, Drug Use, Drug Withdrawal, Emotional Hurt, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Emotional/Psychological Abuse, Eventual Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Low Self-Esteem, Overdosing, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt, non-canon, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-02
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:13:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 10,064
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27357832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/becca_dunbar_raeken/pseuds/becca_dunbar_raeken
Summary: Non-canon: What if Coach Baker never found out about Asher's steroid use? Asher's struggling with steroid withdrawal; can Olivia help him out?DO NOT READ IF TRIGGERS APPLY!!Trigger Warnings: drug use, overdose, suicidal thoughts, suicide attempt, emotional abuse
Relationships: Asher Adams/Olivia Baker, Spencer James/Layla Keating
Comments: 5
Kudos: 13





	1. Tired

**Author's Note:**

> I started writing this a while ago and decided to finish it; not a huge fan of it, but I decided to post it anyway :)

Asher woke up to his alarm going off; he groaned pulling his exhausted body of the bed. It was still dark outside at 5:30. He quickly pulled on a pair of shorts and a hoodie. His dad was passed out on the couch. He almost laughed to himself at the scene; he took the remote and shut off the TV.

“Good morning, dad,” he whispered.

He grabbed a protein shake and went out the door to his car to head to the gym. He walked into the dark weight room; a night shift janitor was just leaving. 

“Mr. Adams, you are here early,” the man looked at the boy.

“Grind can’t stop,” he smiled at him, “have a good day.”

Asher got into his locker, staring at the case he put the steroids was lying in his bag. He promised Olivia he would stop; he knew how much it meant to her. He put them aside; he can do it. He’s just as good with steroids as he was with, no matter what his dad told him. He jumped on the treadmill starting with a nice warmup. He was zoning out when he realized he ran three miles. He jumped off and started lifting. He struggled on the last set of his bench presses, and his mind thought of the drugs again. No, he can do it without it. He finished just in time for him to get ready before class. He took a shower, putting on jeans, a t-shirt, and a zip-up jacket. He walked upstairs to his locker where Olivia met him.

“Hey,” Olivia wrapped her hands around his neck.

“Hey,” Asher leaned against his locker,

“Are you okay?” she looked at him.

“Yes, I’m just tired, how about you?”

“Same,” she smiled.

“Still can’t sleep?”

“Not since the shooting.”

“You should call me when you can’t sleep,” Asher looked at her brushing her hair out of her face. 

“Thanks, Ash, but right now I think you need to get some sleep too.”

“I’m fine, Liv,” he chuckled.

Layla came over to talk to Liv about her new episode in her podcast, while Asher went off to class. He didn’t have the heart to tell her his mom left again without even saying goodbye.   
He went to class and sat down. He stared at the board ignoring the voices around him. He started tapping his leg, waiting for class to begin. 

Jordan looked over at him, “you okay, man?”

“Yes, why?” Asher snapped at him.

“Sorry for my concern, you were staring at the board for five minutes while I was calling your name.”

The teacher started to save him. He didn’t even notice that he fell asleep when the next bell rang. Asher jumped out of his seat; Jordan looked over at him, before walking out.

“Asher,” the teacher looked at him.

“I would like you to write a one-page summary on class today; you’ll have to redo the readings since you slept the whole way through.”

“Sorry,” Asher mumbled, grabbing the work off of her.

He managed to stay awake during the rest of his classes until lunch. He should be hungry from skipping breakfast and leaving the protein shake untouched in his locker, but ever since stopping the steroids he just wasn’t hungry. He avoided JJ trying to walk with him to lunch and grabbed his gym bag, planning on lifting for a little bit. He walked into the weight room.

“Asher, what are you doing here? Shouldn’t you be in class?” Coach Baker came in early for the day.

“It’s my lunch,” he assured the man.

“Then, shouldn’t you be up there.”

“Not feeling it today,” Asher sighed throwing on a t-shirt. He did a few lifts before having to shower again. Coach Baker watched him drag around. Asher went back to finish the rest of the classes, trying to avoid everyone.

“Hey, Asher; Liv was looking for you,” Spencer walked up to him.

“Oh, I’ll find her,” Asher answered him, quickly walking away.

“Asher?” Spencer called after him, but he was already walking away.

Asher grabbed his bag out of his locker, but not before Olivia grabbed his hand.

“Where were you at lunch today?”

“I had to catch up on some work; I missed this morning.”

“Oh, you mean from when you fell asleep in class, yes Jordan told me,” Olivia looked at him sternly, “you would tell me if something was wrong wouldn’t you?”

“Of course, but I’m fine seriously,” Asher stared at her in the eyes.

“Your hand is shaking; you didn’t take any again did you?”

“No, Liv I promised you I wouldn’t, and I quit I think I’m just having withdrawal symptoms or something. Want to get dinner after practice?”

“I would love to except I already have plans with Layla; how about tomorrow?” 

“Okay,” Asher agreed, “I love you.”

“I love you too, but if something is wrong you need to tell me.”

Asher nodded as she walked away. He went down to the locker room, feeling sore all over. Practice was going to be fun today. 

“Did you see Liv?” Jordan asked.

“Yes, since you ratted me out she thinks something is wrong.”

“Sorry, I thought falling asleep in class was suspicious even for you.”

“It’s fine, thanks for your concern,” he answered mockingly.

They went on the field; Spencer was back. Asher looked over at him great, now he has to compete against him again for his position. He looked up at the stands where his mom had been sitting the week before; seeing the emptiness was just another punch to his gut. She left him with no explanation again. 

“Asher!” Coach Baker screamed at him as he didn’t notice the rest of the team was already in a huddle. He started going over plays, but Asher was zoned out once again. He ran out on the field, not paying attention. Jordan called the play, and he ran, but as soon as Jordan threw the ball. He couldn’t focus, letting it bounce off the ground again.

“Again!” Coach Baker yelled.

Two more times, Asher completely missed the catch. He took a spot standing on the sidelines. Spencer took his position even with his half-healed shoulder he managed to catch the ball. 

“Asher,” JJ looked over at him, “what are you on today?”

“Nothing!” Asher yelled back accusatory, realizing JJ wasn’t asking him that to be suspicious, “sorry I’m just having an off day.”

“Well, you might want to have an on day, or you won’t be playing for the scrimmage on Saturday,” JJ nodded towards the field.

Asher nodded putting back on his helmet. He knew he had to catch this next play. He saw the ball being thrown and ran towards it, but something wasn’t clicking, and he missed it once again,

Coach Baker sighed on the sidelines; Asher had been looking so good, but now he couldn’t catch a ball if his life depended on it. Practice ended the team went back into the locker room. Everyone else got ready to go home, while Asher just took off his equipment. He could feel exhaustion taking over him, but also he didn’t feel like going home yet. He waited until Coach Baker finished his speech to then restart a workout on the field.

“Asher,” the man called him over when he saw him heading back out onto the field, “What’s going on with you today?” 

“I’m having an off day; I’ll try harder,” Asher said almost panicking.

“Maybe you need some rest.”

“No, I’m fine Coach.” 

“Okay, Asher I’m just saying don’t push yourself too hard.”

“I won't Coach,” Asher agreed as he headed out to the field.

Asher ran drills until the sky turned dark; he ignored the dizziness in his head. He went back inside to get a shower then finally got in his car. He sat in the driveway until he knew if his dad was asleep or not. He scanned the security cameras until he saw his dad passed out on the couch again. He snuck in and instantly went to his bedroom throwing off his clothes and collapsing on his bed. 

“Hey, sorry about this afternoon, tomorrow night remember <3,” Olivia sent him.

“Ofc <3,” Asher sent before shutting his eyes.


	2. Trying to Let Go

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: referenced drug use, steroid withdrawal, not eating

Asher’s exhaustion wasn’t enough to keep him in a soundless sleep; his mind wandered from his father, his mother, Olivia, football, steroids, then his father’s words. He only cared about him when he was doing good. He needs to push himself harder; colleges weren’t even looking at him at this point. Sure, he could play on any DII or DIII school, but that wasn’t going to get him a full ride. His dad wasn’t able to pay for his college, who knew if his mom even cared enough. It was up to Asher. He was brought out of his tossing and turning as his alarm went off at 5:30. He groaned, rolling out of bed. He pulled on shorts and a sweatshirt. He needed to do laundry he thought to himself; he just hadn’t been in the mood recently. He threw on his bookbag saw his dad still passed out on the couch. He glanced at his car keys; he needed gas, but he also knew his dad didn’t have the money for it. 

“I’ll just run,” Asher muttered to himself with his bookbag it would be great weight training. It’s not like Beverly wasn’t safe, benefits of being privileged he thought. By the time he got to the school, he was exhausted, but it was the perfect warm-up, 3 miles on the dot. He threw his bag in his locker, looking at the case. He needed to get rid of that; maybe Olivia could help him tonight. He lifted until his normal time, getting a quick shower then heading upstairs. He realized he forgot to do that stupid make-up assignment for 1st period; he heard the bell ring but decided to stay in the locker room to finish it. About halfway through the period, he finished and entered the class late. 

“Mr. Adams, you better have a good excuse for coming in late,” the teacher looked at him.

“Slept in,” Asher lied; he didn’t have a good excuse. He knew it was punishable but better than admitting he didn’t complete the assignment.

“Well, you’ll have plenty of time in detention to complete the work you missed while you were sleeping,” she told him sternly.

“I have football tonight, and I completed the work from yesterday,” Asher handed her the paper. 

“And you won’t be playing football if you don’t take this detention, so your choice.”

“Okay,” Asher agreed, “detention only would last an hour; he would only miss an hour of practice. He could make it up afterward; he just would have to tell Olivia they would have to push back their date an hour.”

“I’m sure your dad is going to be thrilled,” Asher looked over at Jordan.

“He might be more concerned why his wide receiver has been sleeping in class then completely comes in late today,” Jordan answered him, “what’s going on man?”

“Nothing, I don’t know I just have been slacking recently apparently,” Asher responded.

“Asher, you push yourself harder than anyone other than Spencer,” Jordan whispered.

“Mr. Baker, Asher doesn’t need any more distractions,” the teacher glared at them, ending their conversation.

Jordan rolled his eyes and looked back at the board. 

Asher had to pry his eyes open during every class; he figured he would be fine after he did his workout at lunch. He somehow managed to dodge Jordan, Olivia, and JJ before lunch as headed down to the locker room. He changed and began his workout as Spencer walked in.

“What are you doing here?” Spencer looked at him.

“The same thing you are, trying to push yourself to be better,” Asher nodded. 

“Fair,” Spencer looked at him, “just looks like you may be pushing yourself too hard.”

“And are you supposed to be doing this on your shoulder?” 

“You got me, I’ll keep quiet if you will,” Spencer looked at him, knowing Asher had him trapped.

The two lifted together, spotting one another until they went and got showers, sneaking back upstairs for class.

“Are you okay?” Asher looked at Spencer who was clenching his shoulder.

“I’m fine, worry about your own hands,” Spencer glanced down at Asher’s shaking hands and paleness.

Asher smirked and headed to class. As school ended, Olivia met him at his locker per usual.

“So, sleeping in now?” Olivia grabbed his locker door.

“I didn’t hear it go off, and my dad has been a bit unconscious recently,” Asher told her, “it was one time, just a fluke with yesterday. We will have to start our date an hour later; I have to stay to make up what I miss during the first hour of practice.”

“You’re not trying to get out of it are you?”

“I’ve told you I will never try to get out of anything with you ever again,” Asher promised, “also you have to pick me up here.”

“Where’s your car?” Olivia questioned him.

“Home,” Asher admitted.

“So, how’d you get here?”

“Um, ran,” Asher looked at her.

“3 miles, late?” Olivia asked, “you managed to get a shower before going in too.”

“Okay, I came early to work out and then realized I forgot to do that assignment for sleeping in class, so I walked in late. I didn’t miss my alarm,” Asher finally admitted.

“Okay, so you worked out this morning and don’t think you can leave without an adequate two hours of practice?”

“That’s what I said,” Asher felt himself falling deeper in a hole.

“Asher, you look exhausted,” Olivia tried to tell him.

“I’m okay; I can’t be late to detention, pick me up,” Asher smiled walking away.

“Asher,” Olivia called after him, but he was already gone.

“What’s he doing now?” Layla walked up to her.

“I don’t really know, somethings off about him,” Olivia stared at her best friend.

“Don’t worry, it's Asher; he always manages to figure things out.”

Asher sat painfully through detention staring up at the clock. He could see the edge of the field from the classroom window, just waiting to be released. He finished her assignment and was just waiting for her to read over it.

“Asher, you can be dismissed, but one more incident, and I will have to call your parents about your sleep schedule,” she scolded him.

“Good luck with that,” Asher thought to himself.

Asher quickly went to the locker room before going out on the field. He quickly warmed up to start running plays with the rest of the team. He was a little more focused today; actually, catching some passes. Towards the end of practice, exhaustion got the best of him as he started forgetting plays.

“Asher!” Coach Baker screamed at him. 

“Sorry, Coach,” Asher said before jumping right back in. 

As practice ended, he approached Coach Baker, “what did I miss before I came out? I want to make it up.”

“Asher, I think you’ll be fine, you need to focus on running the plays right instead of over and over again,” Coach Baker looked at him, “are you okay? I heard you have been having sleeping issues.”

“I’m fine, my dad’s just been off its messing me up,” Asher partially told the truth.

“You know if you need anything, we are here for you,” Coach Baker spoke for his family.

“Thanks, Coach.”

Asher did some drills while everyone else left the field.

“Ash,” Olivia came onto the field about thirty minutes into his extra practice.

“I said I will be done in a half-hour,” Asher glanced behind him.

“Asher, what is with you? You are obsessed,” Olivia grabbed the ball before he could pick it back up.

“Come on, Liv.”

“Asher, three workouts today is plenty,” Olivia looked at him shaking. She could see him getting visibly upset; she grabbed his hands, “Ash, you are shaking, come on you are done for today.”

Asher tried to compose himself, “okay, I can stop if I want to.” His mind was telling him not to, but also he couldn’t show that to Olivia.

“I’ll be out here, take a shower,” she instructed him.

Asher nodded heading towards the locker room. He quickly changed and went back out to meet her. 

“I need your help,” Asher looked at her.

“With what?” she asked with concern. Asher never asked for help, so straight out before. 

“Disposing of these,” Asher held out the steroids. 

Olivia smiled, “of course.”

Asher got into her passenger seat, leaning against the window. He at least could fix one thing in his life right now. His father’s words haunted him, “you’ll never be able to do it.” Olivia pulled off on the bridge. 

“What?” he looked up, realizing where they were.

“Throw them; you can’t get them back fifteen feet underwater,” she smirked.

“You’re right,” Asher took a deep breath and threw them out the window.

“Feel better?” 

“A lot; thanks, Liv, I shouldn’t have brought them into your life in general.”

“I know better than anyone how easy it is to fall into temptation,” Olivia grabbed his hand.

Asher sighed, “my mom left again.”

“What?” Olivia looked at him, “I thought she offered you to spend the summer with her.”

“I didn’t want to leave you,” Asher smiled, “she just vanished on Sunday, no goodbyes, no explanation.”

“I’m sorry, Ash,” Olivia looked at him, “you should have told me.”

“It was hard, but also I promised you transparency, so it just took me a few days,” Asher admitted. 

“I’m glad you did, and you said your dad’s been off?”

“He’s been drinking again.”

“That’s why you’ve been having issues sleeping?”

Asher nodded he at least could be mostly transparent with her.

“Hey, we are going to get through this. Just think of all the good things you have in life football, your friends, your future.”

“You?” Asher interrupted.

Olivia smiled, “I love you, Asher Adams.”

“I love you too,” Asher said as they pulled into the restaurant

“Can I have a coffee please?” Asher told the waiter.

“Are you going to be able to sleep with that?” Olivia laughed at him.

“I’ll be fine; I need to do homework anyway,” Asher smiled. He looked over the menu; he wasn’t even hungry, but then again he couldn’t remember the last time he ate anything. Asher had no clue what effect the steroid withdrawal was having on his body; he didn’t even think about it. In between, pushing himself harder in workouts, having to be the best to prove himself to his dad and mom now; he couldn’t remember to take care of himself half of the time.

The waiter came back over to take their order; Olivia ordered.

“I’ll just take whatever she is having,” Asher told the waiter.

“I’ve never seen you not know what you want,” Olivia laughed over her usual very particular boyfriend.

“I don’t know I’m just not very hungry tonight. I guess.”

“You worked out three times today and skipped lunch, and you aren’t hungry?”

“You know?” Asher looked at her.

“I cornered Spencer for both of your sakes,” she laughed.

“I’m just stressed about my mom leaving; I’ll work on it,” he assured her, “what about you?”

“I called my sponsor yesterday,” Olivia admitted.

“Liv, you should have told me.”

“You’ve been out of it recently I didn’t want to put that on you; I’m fine with everyone being busy. I just almost lost control.”

“I’m sorry I should be there more for you.”

“Ash, you said it yourself you are stressed right now, but you will work on it. We can make it through it together.”

Asher nodded, “can I do homework at your house?”

“Sure, you aren’t living out of your car again are you?”

“No, I’ve been staying at home; I’ve just been kind of avoiding my dad recently.”

“Okay, you know you are always welcomed.”

Their food came, and Asher picked around it while Olivia ate. He took a few bites and felt instantly nauseous. 

“I’ve never seen you not hungry before,” Oliva looked at him, “are you feeling okay? You look pale.”

“I kind of feel nauseous,” he admitted, “I’m fine though.”

“When was the last time you ate something.”

“Yesterday.”

“It might be the steroid withdrawal,” she stared at him.

“I’m fine,” he assured her.

“You really need to rest, Ash.”

“I will,” Asher grabbed her hand. 

They went towards the Baker household in silence.


	3. Breaking Down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: implied drug usage, drug withdrawal, vomit, not eating

“Hey, Asher,” Laura looked at him as they walked.

“Hi, Laura, Liv and I just need to work on some homework. If that’s okay with you?”

“Of course,” she smiled at Asher. She wasn’t sure to think of him and Olivia dating, especially after the cotillion but at least he was usually respectful. 

Asher opened his laptop on Olivia’s bed starting homework, well Liv sat at her desk working on her podcast. He kept on dozing off, but he fought it off to finish his work, failing out was another thing he didn’t feel like his dad needed to hear. He couldn’t even imagine what he would say if he knew Asher was struggling to keep his grades up. 

“Asher,” Olivia stared at him, collapsed on top of his laptop.

“What?” Asher sprung up, “oh, sorry, I finished. I’ll go home.” He said looking at the time.

“You’re not walking home,” Olivia wrapped her arms around his pulling in him for a kiss, “I’ll drive you.”

“It’s too late; you don’t need to drive out,” Asher assured her.

“And you don’t need to be walking out.”

“Mom, I’m taking Asher home,” Olivia called up the stairs.

“Not alone you aren’t, Jordan!” her mom called to her brother.

“Hey, Ash,” Jordan walked down the stairs, “I didn’t know you were here.”

“I was just doing some homework with Liv; I wasn’t paying attention to the time.”

“Apparently,” Jordan shrugged. It was almost eleven.

Asher was almost sleeping again by the time they pulled into his house. 

“Thanks,” he said as they pulled in, leaning over to kiss Olivia.

“Sleep,” she instructed him.

“I will,” he assured her.

Asher walked towards the house; he felt dizziness in his head but kept walking.

“What’s wrong with him?” Jordan looked at his sister.

“He says he’s just stressed, but I don’t know,” she admitted.

Asher snuck in again, but this time his dad was awake. 

“Asher,” Harold stared at him. 

“Hey, dad.”

“Are you avoiding me now?”

“Sorry, I didn’t feel like you felt like talking to me.”

“Depends on how Saturday is going to go?”

“I’ve been working out three times a day.”

“Is that enough for you? Especially with James back.”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, you should know, by the way, you look like you’re in awful shape.”

“I’m trying dad.”

“Are you?”

Asher looked down at the ground before heading upstairs. He went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. He was fighting back tears; he was stronger than this. His dad was right he looked awful his face was pale, under his eyes black, his appearance looked weak. He was right; he was never going to be good for Saturday. Asher collapsed on his bed but was woken up by his 5:30 alarm. He pulled himself out of bed; it was Friday. He probably could skip his workout this morning, but also his father’s words haunted him. He threw on clothes and ran out the door. He could feel his breath heavy in the morning air as he tried to run faster. His body was aching, nothing was healing with the lack of rest and nutrition. He ended up dry heaving on the side of the road, but he had nothing to throw up. He looked at his phone when he got to the school at six; Olivia had already texted him. She must not have slept either.

“Don’t run to school; I’ll drive you,” she texted him.

“I’m already here,” he answered.

“Asher Adams.”

“Love you x.”

“Be careful x.”

Asher started lifting, everything felt too heavy. He could barely make it through his reps, but he kept pushing. He would take the lunch workout off he decided. He got a shower and changed into a hoodie and sweatpants which was unusual for him. He felt awful; he was either going to blackout or throw up he didn’t know. He stumbled to his locker.

“Hey,” Olivia grabbed his arm, looking at his face, “Asher, you need to go sit down.”

“I’m fine, Liv; I’m just tired,” Asher told her.

“Don’t even try. Here since you won’t stop, eat this at least,” she handed him a protein bar. 

”Thanks,” he took a bite of it for her. He instantly felt sick to his stomach, tears started forming in his eyes, but he fought them back. “I’ll talk to you at lunch.”

“Okay,” Olivia touched his face, “text me if you need anything.”

Asher walked over to the nearest restroom is threw up the protein bar he had just eaten. He had no clue what was happening to him, but he couldn’t stomach it at all. He quickly washed out his mouth, tried to make his face look less flush, and ran off to not be late for first period.

“Look who is on time,” the teacher glared at him.

Asher didn’t even look up as he went towards his seat.

“Asher,” Jordan looked over at him and his hands shaking, “are you okay?”

Asher nodded his head. 

He used all he had to keep his eyes open.

“Asher are you paying attention?” the teacher looked over at him.

“Yes.”

“What did I just read then?”

“Uh,” Asher tried to focus, avoiding the spinning of the room.

“He’s clearly not okay lay off of him,” Jordan glared at the teacher.

“You don’t need to defend me,” Asher looked at him.

“Then, Mr. Baker, if you can answer your friend escapes punishment,” she looked over at him.

Jordan recited what they had just been reading.

“Lucky, your friend actually pays attention, Asher.”

Asher could hear the class talking about him; he avoided their stares as the bell, fortunately, saved him.

“Asher!” Jordan called after him as he rushed out of class.

He heard his best friends' calls and decided to ignore them.

The rest of the classes drug on; he was tired of people asking if he was okay. He finally made it to lunch where Olivia met him at his locker.

“You don’t need to babysit me, Liv.”

“I just wanted to make sure; you weren’t going to work out.”

Asher saw Spencer go downstairs; his mind wanted to follow him, but his body and Olivia were determined to stop him.

“I told you I wasn’t,” Asher leaned against his locker. 

“Come on,” she grabbed his hand, pulling him into the cafeteria. The smell of food alone made him nauseous at this point. He couldn’t even think about grabbing food at this point. Olivia forced him in line and to at least grab a sandwich. They sat down with Jordan, JJ, a few other teammates, and Layla.

“Look who decided to join us,” JJ smiled at him.

“Ha-ha,” Asher smiled. 

Jordan looked over at him but kept his mouth shut after the scene this morning. 

Asher glared at the sandwich, but let his eyes wander to just look up at the wall. 

“Not hungry, Asher?” Layla looked over at him.

“I think I’m sick,” he admitted.

“Then, maybe you should go home,” Olivia grabbed his hand.

“We have football,” Asher muttered.

“And a game tomorrow,” JJ looked at him, “which you being sick for isn’t going to help anyone. Go get some rest man; you look like death.”

“Thanks,” Asher laughed, “I’m fine though.”

“You can’t eat any of it?” Liv whispered.

“I threw up that protein bar this morning,” Asher told her.

“Maybe, you should get some help; I feel like it is withdrawal,” Olivia said quietly. 

“I’m okay,” he touched her hand. 

Lunch was over, and Asher sat through the rest of his classes just waiting for the end of the day. He went to his locker, expecting Oliva to ambush him.

“You know you can skip practice today and still play tomorrow,” Olivia stared at him.

“I’m fine, Liv, I was just sick this morning. I feel fine now,” Asher smiled.

Asher went into the locker room pretending to be completely fine and upbeat.

“Asher,” Coach Baker called him into his office.

“Yes, Coach.”

“Sit, I heard from both of my kids today that you should not be practicing.”

“I was sick this morning, but I’m fine now,” Asher assured him.

“You don’t look fine.”

“I’m great I promise.”

“I don’t need one of my captains passed out on the field.”

“I’ll be good,” Asher lied.

“If I see you wavering on your feet, you are done for the day. I need you tomorrow,” Coach stared him down.

“Yes, sir.”

Asher ran out there, “let’s go boys,” he smiled.

“Wasn’t he dying a few hours ago?” JJ looked over at Jordan.

“He’s putting on a great show,” Jordan mumbled.

Asher pushed through the pain at practice. His head was spinning, he felt awful, his stomach was cramping. He felt weak, but he made sure not to miss the ball. Luckily, the practice was short because of the game tomorrow. When they went back to the locker room, he used the locker for support as Coach gave his lecture. Asher’s eyes wandered to the clock wondering what he was going to do for the rest of the night to avoid his dad. After getting out of the shower and throwing on clothes, he felt lightheaded more than he had been. He felt his vision go black and felt two arms grab him before he hit the ground.

“Asher,” Jordan shook him awake.

“Sorry,” Asher sat up. Spencer and Jordan were staring at him.

“Easy, are you okay?”

“Yes, I just didn’t sleep much last night. You can’t tell anyone,” Asher looked at them.

“Too late,” Olivia ran in.

“Asher, you need to go see someone.”

“I’m fine I just got lightheaded you know I haven’t been able to sleep.”

“What are you going to do tonight?” she looked at him, knowing he was avoiding home.

“I don’t know,” Asher looked at her leaning against the wall for support. 

“You’re coming over,” Jordan reached out his hand.

“Your dad can’t know I passed out,” Asher told him.

“He already left, but Asher I don’t know if you should be playing tomorrow anyways,” Spencer looked down at him.

“Well, some of us don’t have a guaranteed DI position,” Asher groaned trying to pull himself off the ground.

“Hey, come on you need to rest,” Olivia helped him up with Jordan, “you’re shaking so bad. Have you still not eaten anything?”

“I can’t Liv; everything I try comes back up.”

“Asher, you can’t play without anything in your system,” Jordan stared at him.

“I know; I’m trying.”

“Let’s go home,” Olivia told Spencer and Jordan.

“I’m going to Crenshaw tonight,” Spencer said after helping them get Asher to Olivia’s car, “let me know if you need anything.”

“I’m fine Spencer, thanks,” Asher looked at him sincere this time.

Olivia and Jordan nodded at them. She texted her mom that Asher was coming over for dinner. 

“Asher you’re scaring us,” Olivia looked over at him.

“It’ll pass,” Asher assured her.

“I don’t know, Asher,” Jordan said from the backseat as Asher leaned his head against the window. They pulled into the Baker household. Asher opened the door and walked out himself, trying to show he was fine.

Laura took one look at him as he came in and knew something was wrong with him.

“Asher, honey are you feeling okay?”

“I’m fine I just was sick this morning, but I got over it throughout the day,” Asher lied.

Olivia sat down on the couch with him, “babe, you have to tell me if you need something.”

“I will,” Asher closed his eyes, trying to escape the dizziness. Olivia turned on some movie, but Asher had no clue what it was even. He was just focused on not passing out again. Laura called them in for dinner. Asher almost gagged at the sight of it.

“Asher, you like pasta right?” 

“Yes, thank you,” Asher murmured.

“So, are you guys ready for the scrimmage tomorrow?” she looked at Jordan and Asher.

“Yepp,” Jordan smiled, “there will be no one even close to the state champs.”

Asher nodded in agreeance, trying to eat his food. 

“Do you not like it?” Laura asked him as he was pushing it around his plate. 

“No, it’s great; I’m just not very hungry,” Asher claimed.

“I saw your mother was back in town.”

Olivia glared at her mother.

Asher took in a deep breath, “not anymore.”

“Oh, Asher I’m sorry I had no idea.”

“No problem; she just comes and leaves it’s what she does.”

Asher couldn’t handle the nausea anymore; he stood up and went to the restroom. 

Laura looked at Olivia, “Is he?”

Olivia nodded, following her boyfriend.

“Ash, open the door,” Olivia knocked quietly. He did eventually leaning against the wall on the floor. 

“I don’t know what is happening,” he looked up at her.

“Steroid withdrawal,” she sat down beside him grabbing his hand, “it takes time, but I’m proud of you.”

“It’s awful.”

“I know it’s going to be, but you are going to have to keep pushing.”

Asher nodded, his eyes fluttering.

“Hey, let’s get up,” Olivia grabbed his arm, helping him pull himself up. She washed the vomit off his hand and face. 

“Thanks, Liv,” Asher looked at her.

She helped him back downstairs to the couch for a while, before she had to take to him home.

“Asher, you can sleep in Spencer’s room if you don’t want to go home,” Laura looked at him.

Asher was tempted, but he also knew he had to go home before the game anyways and if his dad woke up to him not there before a game. Hell would be paid. 

“I’m okay, thank you though,” Asher smiled as he and Olivia went towards the door.

“I did some research on it while you were sitting there with your eyes closed,” Olivia looked at him, “symptoms usually last for 2 weeks or even more.”

“2 weeks,” Asher groaned, “is there anything I can do to make it better?” Asher’s body wanted more he missed the feeling of feeling invincible. 

“Rehab,” Olivia looked at him.

“I can’t afford it right now, and I can’t miss out on football,” Asher said.

“Asher, I’m worried about you; you seem to be taking this really hard.”

“I’m fine like seriously stop worrying about me, take care of yourself. If something happens to me, oh well,” Asher looked at her.

“I’ve never heard you talk like that before,” she looked at him with concern.

“Like what giving up, I’ve thought about it,” he snapped at her.

“Asher, are you sure you should be alone right now?”

“My dad is home; I mean he would probably be thankful if I did.”

“Ash, stop it, I love you, a lot of people love you.”

“I love you too,” Asher ended the conversation as she pulled in.

“Do you need to be picked up tomorrow?”

“My dad will take me,” Asher assured her, “one thing he doesn’t do is miss a chance to watch me fail.”

“You’re going to do great, or maybe taking the bench tomorrow wouldn’t be awful.”

“The seven on seven tournament will have recruiters. I’m out of chances, Liv,” Asher said closing the door.

Olivia stared at her steering wheel unsure of what to do, tell her dad Asher shouldn’t play, get him rehab, or just let him continue this destructive path. She went back towards her house shaken up herself, how easy it would be just to take a pill and go to sleep. No, if she made Asher get sober; she could do it too. She pulled back in.

“Olivia, is Asher okay?” Laura asked her as she walked back in.

“He’s sick.”

“Are you sure? You know you can trust me as a mom I’m just concerned about him.”

Olivia knew if she admitted Asher was going to steroid withdrawal her mother would want her to remove herself from the situation, “yes I’m sure, probably just like the 24 hours flu or something.” She went up to her room.

“Asher, messing around before a game tomorrow; I see where your priorities lie,” his dad glared at him as he walked in the door. Asher could smell the whiskey radiating off of him.

“It was team dinner at the Baker’s; I didn’t take my car to school today because I didn’t have gas,” Asher looked at him.

“Asher, I don’t have money to pay for your car why don’t you ask your mother? Oh, wait she left you again.”

“Looks like you have money to pay for alcohol,” Asher muttered under his breath.

“What did you just say?” Harold shoved him against the wall.

“Nothing,” Asher tried to catch his breath as his father had him pinned.

“That’s what I thought; look at you too weak to even push me off of you.”

Asher could feel his legs buckling under him, but he held on to the counter. He couldn’t show his dad any weakness right now. 

“Looks like you are losing some muscle too,” his father gripped his shoulder, “must not be working out enough.”

Asher nodded, trying to escape his father’s grasp. 

“You better not let me down tomorrow.”

“I won’t,” Asher broke free, heading up to his bedroom. He looked in the mirror his father was right ever since stopping taking steroids. He noticed the muscle he gained, slowly melting off; it didn’t help that he couldn’t eat anything either. He sighed and took off his shirt, sliding on a pair of shorts collapsing onto the bed.


	4. Darkness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: steroid withdrawal, referenced drug usage, passing out

His night was everything but peaceful; his alarm went off at seven. They had to be at the field at 8, the first game was at 9. He threw everything he needed in his bag, put on his warm-up gear, and went downstairs.

“I thought you were never going to wake up,” his dad stared him down.

“I’m not missing the game,” Asher assured him.

“Eating something beforehand?”

Asher shook his head, feeling nauseous already.

“It will make you quicker on your feet anyway,” Harold smiled.

The ride to the school was silent; Asher did everything he could to keep from leaning against the window.

As they pulled in Harold looked over at him, “don’t disappoint me.”

Asher nodded as he got out of the car and walked towards the locker room.

“Hey,” Jordan grabbed his arm before walking in, “how are you feeling?”

“Jordan, let me go.”

“Ash, I didn’t tell my dad you should be thanking me, don’t make me regret it.”

“I’m fine,” Asher looked at him.

“If you need to pull yourself, do it, you know you can’t pass out on the field.”

Asher nodded Jordan was right.

After the team geared up, Coach came in. They got lectured; Spencer’s shoulder was still acting up, so Asher would be taking all the long passes, while he was taking the shorter ones.

“More running, great,” Asher thought to himself.

They entered the field; Asher ignored the exhaustion aching through his body. He tried to focus on the game and nothing else. The first game went well. He managed to score two touchdowns without much effort, afterward, however, the field wouldn’t stop spinning, fortunately, they had an hour break before the next game. He was trying to drink some water, but his hand wouldn’t stop shaking.

“Asher, are you sure you should play the next game?” Spencer walked into the locker room, putting on a brace that Coach just threw at him. 

“I’m fine,” Asher snapped at him.

“Man, you look like death.”

“Leave me alone, Spence.”

“Whatever, Asher.”

Asher leaned against the wall; he could do this. He had to do this, no matter what. He put back on his helmet heading out just in time for the second game. He caught the ball during the first game, but his vision went blurry and he instantly got tackled. He felt the wind get knocked out of him as he struggled to regain himself. Jordan and Spencer ran over to help him off the ground. 

“Do you need to sit down?” Jordan whispered to him.

“I’m good I just got knocked down,” Asher pushed him away, looking up at his father. He saw him shaking his head already. He also saw Olivia standing up looking at him with concern. Coach Baker knew he didn’t get hit that hard and was starting to get concerned.

The next play that came to him; Asher managed to run it to the end zone, but he was struggling to stand afterward. Coach called a timeout and pulled him aside. 

“I need you to take a break.”

“Coach, I’m fine.”

“Be lucky I’m not pulling you completely.”

“Okay,” Asher took a seat, trying to regain his strength. Coach put him back in during the last play, however, Jordan threw it to Spencer anyways. 

The third game went awfully. Asher could barely focus he ran one ball, missed an entire pass, then got tackled twice. Coach pulled him at the end; he could see his father glaring from the stands.

“Asher, can you play the next game?” Coach Baker sat down beside him, “you don’t look good, son.” 

“I was sick earlier this week; I’m fine,” he assured him. 

“You’re making me nervous.”

“I’m fine I need to play.”

“One more incident then you are done for the day.”

“Okay,” Asher nodded.

The fourth game Asher put his entire focus on. He managed to make two touchdowns and remain on his feet mostly.

The fifth game was the championship; they were untouchable all day. Spencer was back to his normal self; Jordan was focused for once. They didn’t have anything to worry about it. After missing the ball twice, Jordan just threw to Spencer the rest of the game to win. Asher felt a mixture of guilt, exhaustion, and failure. He saw his dad stand up and leave the stands angrily. Everyone else was celebrating, but Asher was just trying to stay on his feet. They headed into the locker room, and Asher tore off his uniform, shaking. 

“Asher,” Jordan looked over at him.

“I’m fine.”

“Sit down.”

Asher changed quickly, before collapsing on the bench.

“Asher?” JJ looked at him as he felt the room spinning.

The next thing, he knew Jordan, Spencer, and Coach Baker were standing over him as he was lying on the ground. He tried to sit up but felt another wave of dizziness wash over him. He must have passed out.

“Asher, what is wrong?” Coach Baker asked as Jordan and Spencer pulled him up.

“I just got dizzy.”

“Why did you get dizzy? You passed out on the locker room floor that’s not normal.”

“I just have been tired recently.”

“And not eating and shaking,” Jordan interrupted.

“Son, I need to know if you aren’t telling me something.”

Asher looked at his coach; he couldn’t tell him about the steroid withdrawal. He was clean now, but it would have been a disappointment. He knew that.

“I’m fine, seriously.”

“Is your dad here?”

“I think he left.”

“How are you getting home then?”

“I am taking him,” Olivia came in, kneeling next to Asher after receiving a text from Jordan.

“Asher, can you stand?”

“Yes, thanks Coach,” Asher looked at him, pulling himself up the ground with the help of Olivia and Spencer.

“Asher, you need to get this figured out and get some medical help before I can let you play again.”

“Yes, Coach,” Asher agreed as he and Olivia walked out to her car. 

“Asher this is getting serious; Jordan said you were out for five minutes,” Olivia stared at her boyfriend.

“I know Liv; I just don’t know what to do.”

“You need help, Ash.”

“I can’t and you know that.”

“Do you want me to take you home, or do you want to come over? I was going to go to the party at Layla’s house, but I’d rather stay at home with you.”

“I feel fine now; I’ll go with you.”

“No, you are not going.”

“Well, then you take me home, and I’ll meet you there.”

“I swear Asher Adams,” Olivia shook her head, “do you have clothes?”

“I can meet you there.”

“I’m not leaving you alone,” she told him.

“I have stuff in my bag.”

“Don’t make me regret this.”


	5. Lost it All

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: drug usage, suicide attempt, depression, underage drinking

Asher and Olivia pulled into Layla’s house. Liv still wasn’t comfortable at the party scene, and at this point neither was Asher. 

“We could just leave,” Olivia looked over at him. He thought about it, but also he knew how important it was for Liv to get out and do stuff again.

“No, we are going,” he grabbed the door handle. 

The party was packed with players from all the teams, people from Beverly High, Crenshaw, it didn’t matter. 

“Nice fumbles out there, Adams,” a player walked past them.

Asher just ignored them, but received a few more glares and heard numerous jokes about him. 

“Just ignore them,” Olivia grabbed his hand as they found Layla.

“Hey,” she smiled at them, “I’m glad you decided to come.”

Olivia and she started to talk as Asher just leaned on the counter, trying to hold himself up. 

JJ ran over once he saw him, “Hey, man! Feeling better?” He shoved a drink in his hand.

“Oh, ya I feel great; I was just tired.”

“Well let’s go then,” JJ tried pulling him away.

“I was supposed to stay with Liv,” Asher looked over at her. Layla, Coop, Patience, and Olivia were all talking to her.

“Look she’s fine,” JJ drug him away to play some drinking games with the team. Asher didn’t even realize how drunk he was until the room began to spin. He guessed his tolerance was down from not eating anything beforehand. He lost Olivia, surrounded by the team. Spencer walked over to him as he was staring, trying to stay on his feet.

“Asher, are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Spencer,” Asher glared at him, “what do you wish I wasn’t that way you can ensure you have my spot.”

“Ash,” Spencer watched him wavering on his feet. 

“At least he can catch,” Asher heard a voice call out.

“Ya, Adams; James catches better than you even injured.”

“Didn’t he take a bullet for your girlfriend, where were you?”

Asher heard everything; they weren’t wrong, but the alcohol was making him angry. 

Jordan ran up to them, “come on Asher.”

“I’m fine,” Asher pushed Jordan off of him a little harder than he should accidentally shoving Jordan to the ground.

“Asher,” Spencer glared at him.

Asher didn’t hesitate in punching him in the face. There was a mixture of cheers and gasps as Spencer stood up, “really man? I’ve tried my hardest to be friends with you, and you just keep only caring about yourself over and over again. Olivia deserves better than you!”

Asher stared at him about ready to swing again when he heard his name being called. Olivia and Layla were coming down to disperse the scene. He looked at Spencer holding his bloody nose; the disappointment on Olivia’s face.

“You punched him?” she stared at him.

“I,I,” Asher began.

“You’re drunk too,” Olivia glared at him, “I can’t believe you after what you are going through. You decided to leave me and get drunk.”

Asher couldn’t do it anymore; he felt his head spinning, nausea overwhelm him. He turned and ran. 

“Asher! Asher!” Olivia called after him maybe she was being harsh, but he wasn’t thinking.

“Don’t he’ll come back like a lost puppy; he deserved that,” Layla assured her.

He ran into Layla’s personal bathroom; he knew he shouldn’t be in here, but he needed privacy. The alcohol was already too much, and he ended up just throwing it up again. He sat down beside the toilet the room was spinning. He looked down at his hands; Spencer’s blood caked on his right fist. Spencer was right Olivia did deserve someone better than him. The team was right Spencer deserved his spot; he was useless to his team. His dad’s voice rang in his ears he would never amount in anything. He thought about it his presence doesn’t help anyone except himself. His mom left him, his dad wished he was gone, Olivia deserved better, he shoved his best friend to the ground. He wasn’t a good person; he just failed time after time. He pulled himself off the floor tears in his eyes. He was pathetic; he opened Layla’s medicine cabinet. He saw her depression medication sitting there. The thought went through his head. He couldn’t do that to Liv, but if he was gone. He couldn’t hurt her anymore. He grabbed the bottle and opened it. He took a breath, looking at the pills in his hand. He shoved them in his mouth; he glanced over at the bathtub. He turned the water and put the plug in. He laid down as he felt his vision go blurry.

“Olivia,” Jordan came up and hugged her, “I’m sorry; he’s just being a dick today.”

Spencer looked at them and nodded, “I swear I think he changes, then he does something else.”

Olivia began to cry, “he’s going through steroid withdrawal.”

“What?” Jordan stared at her.

“He took them to play better; you know him and his dad. His mother left town again; it just got too much.”

“He shouldn’t have done that with you,” Jordan stared at her.

“No, he stopped because of me, but everything that’s been going on with him this week is from withdrawal. I shouldn’t have been so hard on him; I know what it’s like you can’t control yourself.”

Jordan and Spencer both nodded as Layla looked at them with concern. Olivia’s mind went back to their conversation last night, “if something happens to me oh well…giving up I thought about it.”

“We need to find him,” Olivia looked at them in panic.

“I’ll go ask my dad,” Layla ran off. Spencer started asking the other team members when Jordan and Olivia went upstairs.

“Liv, what’s going on?” Jordan watched her open doors in a panic.

“He said last night something about giving up,” she stared at him with tears in her eyes, “I think I might have been the only thing holding him back. Depression increases with steroid withdrawal.”

“He thinks he just lost you,” Jordan’s face sunk realizing his friend might actually be in danger.

They opened the door to Layla’s room and noticed the light was on. Olivia heard the water running and ran into the bathroom and screamed.

Jordan sprinted in as she was turning off the water; he quickly pulled Asher out of the tub. 

“He’s still breathing,” Jordan looked at her, “Asher, Asher wake up. I need you to wake up.”

Olivia started checking his pulse, “we need to call an ambulance.”

Jordan nodded and began to call 911 as Olivia noticed the empty bottle on the ground. 

“Asher,” she gasped, “he took all of these.” 

Jordan began speaking to the operator, “seventeen-year-old male…attempted drowning…drug overdose..he’s breathing, but his pulse is racing…yes, he has alcohol in his system…yes I believe it was a suicide attempt.” Jordan’s voice shook over those words; his best friend just tried to kill himself, and he didn’t even notice how bad it was.

Layla, Spencer ran in after Jordan texted them. 

“Oh my god,” Layla turned and hugged Spencer.

“We need to get him out, so the ambulance can get him,” Jordan looked at Spencer.

“I’ll clear the party,” Layla composed herself. 

Jordan and Spencer grabbed Asher’s limp body off the ground, still soaking wet in his clothes. By the time they had gotten out, Layla did her magic, and everyone was leaving. The ambulance arrived, and Olivia got in with Asher. Jordan tried to fight Liv out of going alone since the hospital treated her awfully the last time they were there with Spencer. As Jordan, Spencer, and Layla told her, they would meet them there. Olivia stared down at Asher, his breathing was getting slower. The paramedics were checking over his vitals as panic broke out. Olivia didn’t get time to process before they were cutting off his shirt. “Clear!” A minute passed; she didn’t breathe just shook as tears streamed down her face. Suddenly, there was a rise in his chest. 

The paramedic looked over at her shaking, “are you on drugs too?”

“My boyfriend just died,” she looked over at her.

“He’s breathing now.”

They pulled into the hospital; two of the paramedics wheeled Asher in while the other stayed out with Olivia. A nurse came over to ask her some questions.

“I need to ask you some questions.”

Olivia nodded still shaking.

“Relationship to the patient?

“Girlfriend.”

“Name and age of the patient.”

“Asher Adams, 17.”

“Family, we should call for him?”

“Father, Harold Adams.”

“Do you know what he took?”

Olivia handed him the empty bottle.

“Do you know how many?”

“She said she just filled it three days ago.”

“Anything else in his system?”

“We were at a party; he was intoxicated, but he also threw up before he took the pills,” she remembered the odor as they entered the bathroom.

“Any history of drug use?”

“He was taking steroids; he is going through withdrawal,” Olivia admitted.

“History of depression, self-harm, suicidal thoughts?”

“Talks of it.” 

“No history of therapy or rehab?”

“No.”

“Thank you, you can go sit down; we will call you back if anything changes.”

She heard the nurse throw down the clipboard, “drunk kid must have just lost it,” he laughed.

“He has some daddy issues too,” the nurse stated, “we called his dad; he was so drunk. He didn’t even care.”

“Looks like no one cares about this kid.”

Olivia was in tears at this point no one cared at all. She collapsed into a chair, waiting for someone to come out.


	6. Renewed Path

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: referenced drug usage, suicide attempt

Jordan, Spencer, Layla rushed in and sat down beside her. Jordan wrapped his arm around her.

“Jordan, he died; they brought him back, but he died,” Olivia cried.

Layla was crying in Spencer’s arms. Coach Baker and Laura came after Jordan called them. 

Laura sat down and hugged Olivia while Billy stared at them, “I need you guys to tell me what happened to know how to help Asher.”

Olivia told him everything including the steroids. He leaned back in his seat and sighed, “I should have noticed.”

Jordan nodded, “I should have noticed.”

Harold came in a few minutes later, completely drunk and stumbling everywhere.

“Where’s Asher?” he asked Coach Baker.

“He’s still getting treatment; they haven’t let us back,” he glared at him.

“As soon as they let us back, I’m discharging him.”

“Your son needs help,” Olivia stood up and glared at him.

“Should have known hanging out with a druggie was going to do this to him.”

“Hey, you don’t speak to my daughter like that,” Laura stood up and stared him down, “your son places too much pressure on himself because you tell him his isn’t going to amount to anything, you put the pressure on him, you aren’t even there for him as a father. You kicked him out of the house because he got kicked off the football team. You didn’t even notice him struggling.”

“He’s my son, and I don’t have money for this.”

“Harold, go home; I’ll pay for Asher’s rehab since you can only seem to buy drinks,” Billy faced him.

“Fine,” Harold stormed out.

“I hate that man,” Spencer finally muttered.

“Don’t we all,” Billy leaned back.

A nurse came over a few hours later, “he’s not awake yet, but you are welcome to go back.”

Laura and Billy found the doctor and talked to them about getting further treatment for Asher while the kids went back.

Olivia grabbed Asher’s hand and looked at him. He looked exhausted, his skin was pale, black circles laid under his eyes, his skin was freezing. He looked weak, fragile; all his usual cockiness was gone.

“Oh, Ash.”

Jordan sat down beside her staring at his best friend as Layla and Spencer sat across the room. They wanted to make sure Asher woke up before they left. They sat there a few minutes as Asher finally began to stir. He slowly opened his eyes and tried to focus.

“Asher,” Olivia whispered.

“Liv? What-“ he looked around and saw Jordan, Spencer, and Layla, “I’m so sorry; you don’t have to be here.” It hit him what happened; Olivia didn’t deserve to be in this environment neither did Layla. He didn’t want them to be triggered by his stupidity of not succeeding.

“Ash, I’m not leaving you,” she stroked his hair.

“I-“ Asher began to cry. It was unlike him; Asher didn’t cry like this ever. 

“It’s okay,” Olivia looked down at him, “we are going to get you some help.”

“I don’t need it.”

“Asher, I can’t lose my best friend; you scared me tonight,” Jordan spoke up.

“We care about you,” Layla smiled.

“We all do,” Spencer assured him.

Billy and Laura walked in.

“I’m sorry Coach,” Asher quickly looked at him.

“Asher, you don’t need to apologize; we just all wish we would have noticed.”

“You know we are here for you, honey,” Laura smiled at him.

They sat there for a little bit while a nurse came in and checked his vitals. 

“Well looks like you are only going to die once tonight; you can be discharged tomorrow morning.”

“Died once?” Asher stared at Olivia.

“Yes, you did, and you gave me a heart attack.”

“I’m sorry,” Asher grabbed her hand.

“Stop apologizing, it’s okay I know what it feels like.”

Spencer and Layla went home since it was now into the early hours of the morning. 

Laura and Billy spoke to Asher about rehab as Olivia held his hand the entire time.

“But my dad can’t pay for that,” Asher stared at them, “I’ll be okay I just got drunk.”

“Asher, you’re not okay son; this happened way before this one night, and don’t worry about your father or money.”

“I can’t expect you,” Asher began.

“Asher, you’re basically part of this family,” Laura assured him, “you don’t want to put my daughter through this again do you?”

“Okay, thank you,” Asher looked at them, “seriously, I can’t repay you.”

“We just want you healthy,” Billy smiled at him.

The Baker’s drove Asher to his house to get some clothes. Harold was gone somewhere, fortunately; Olivia went upstairs with him.

“I’m sorry for what I said to you,” Olivia looked at him.

“Liv, you had all rights to say what you said.”

“I knew you were struggling.”

“Still, you were valid; I should have been there more for you.”

“And I should have been there more for you,” Olivia hugged him and began to cry again, “I thought I lost you.”

Asher sat down on the bed, “I don’t know what I was thinking; everything just got too much. I just don’t feel like I make anyone’s life better.”

“You make mine a lot better,” Olivia smiled at him, “I couldn’t imagine losing you.”

“Really?”

‘Yes, Ash,” she grabbed his hand, “I also know this is going to be hard for you.”

“Liv, I’m scared; I’m actually scared,”

“It’s really not that bad, but it’s work. It’s not easy.”

“I know; I just don’t know if I’m strong enough for this.”

“Give yourself more credit; although you almost passed out in the process, I watch how hard you work in football. You are stronger than you think.”

“I hope you are right.”

“I’m always right,” Olivia smiled.

“I love you, Liv.”

“I love you too, Ash.”


End file.
